What are you grateful for?

What are you grateful for?

2021 is almost over. It was a challenging year and after re-evaluating on several fronts, I now step confidently into the new year. How has the past year been for you and how will you go into the New Year?
For me it was the year where I finished my Dutch booklet ’11 Gouden tips bij verlies en rouw’, where I started walking with clients and expanded online counseling. The year where I facilitated my fourth Dutch bereavement support group and the year where I commenced the specialization ‘Frozen Grief’. I have also completed the 9 months Psychosocial Fundamentals (PSBK) training course, which means that from the 1st January, clients who have additional insurance can now claim a refund from their insurance provider. Writing all of this, I can say that I have achieved a lot and I am grateful for it. It feels good.
What do I want more of through my practice? 
I am grateful that I may listen to your story and be able to stand next to you in difficult times. On top of that there are also the added complications of the various lockdowns. Through my practice, I have heard many stories this year, some sad and even desperate, others full of loneliness and thrown back on yourself, but also stories of hope, confidence and full of love for the deceased. Clearly grief is the opposite of love, that’s why losing a loved one hurts so much.
What do I want different?
Less administration. Although I am good at it, it does take up too much time, which I prefer to spent in connection with others. Also during Corona times, I want to receive clients face to face again where possible and of course with all necessary precautions.
I hope that I can listen to many more personal stories in 2022, despite how heartbreaking some may be. That I can live by my own norms and values and that we keep searching to what connects us, even when our beliefs/positions are different. King Willem Alexander verbalized this very well in his Christmas speech.
Together with a colleague, we will run two English speaking bereavement peer groups in Amsterdam this year. We are very proud to supervise these groups and are looking forward with anticipation to the participants we are going to meet. We are grateful that we may be part of their process of recognition and acknowledgement and to laugh and cry together.
The new year starts again with a lockdown. Through your stories I know how much impact this has on interconnections and inner resilience. No matter what kind of circumstances you may find yourself in and whatever you believe, I wish that 2022 will bring days of gratitude, self-love and above all connection with one another again.
ArtZuid – Which one of the three?

ArtZuid – Which one of the three?

Hans van de Bovenkamp – vlnr Spire 2008, Menhir Tower 2010, Ode to Mingus 2006

There used to be a Dutch television program, called: ’Which one of the three’. This program was about a son or daughter, and 3 mothers or fathers. Through the questions to the 3 mothers or fathers and the answer of the son or daughter, you had to guess which one of the three was the real parent. In my blog I make the reference to this program, as I saw three similar sculptures, which reminded me as well of the story of the three trees. Each tree deals with loss in their own individual way. How do you deal with your loss?

This is the story.
There were once three trees, who got badly damaged in a heavy storm and all of them lost a big branch. Each one of the trees dealt differently with the loss of the branch. Years later I searched for the trees again and yesterday I found them and spoke to them.

The first tree was still grieving over the loss of his branch and every time the sun invited him to grow, he said: ‘No, I can’t as I am missing an important branch.’ I noticed that the tree had remained small and was standing in the shadow of other trees. The sun couldn’t reach him anymore. The scar was clearly visible and looked sore. It was the highest point of the tree and he hadn’t grown further.

The second tree was so shocked by the pain that he quickly decided to forget all about the loss. It was difficult to find the tree as he was laying on the ground. A spring storm had blown him over, his roots were not deep and strong enough, he had lost his grip on the earth. The place where the lost branch used to be was difficult to find. It was hidden at the back of the fallen tree.

The third tree was also shocked by the pain and the emptiness in his bark and he mourned for his loss. The first time the sun invited him to grow, he said: ‘Not yet’. After a few invitations from the sun, he finally said:’ Yes sun, warm me so my wound can heat up, so I know that the branch is still part of me. After a while, when the sun came back again, the tree said: ‘Yes, sun, warm my scar and let me grow as well. I know there is so much to grow for. The third tree was also difficult to find, as I hadn’t expected it to be standing so strong. Luckily I recognized him by the scar, that was standing proudly in the sunlight.

This story of the three trees tells us how somebody can deal with their grief and loss. Do you recognize something of yourself in one of these three trees? If you would like to talk about it or need support, don’t hesitate to contact me.