The bag – An anecdote

The bag – An anecdote

Peter and Claudia decided not to see each other for a while. Claudia needed time to think if she wanted to continue with the relationship commitment at her young age. The separation had done her good. They had agreed to talk soon to see if they wanted to stay together. It never came to that. On his way home, after an evening meeting from work, Peter died in an accident. Claudia was completely devastated. Why? (did it have to be this way)? She hadn’t had time to say that she loves him and that she wanted to move forward with him..

Eight months later, his parents gave her his bag, which had been released by the police. The three of them unpacked it together. Curious to see what’s inside. It contained his books of his work and two deodorants. She is very happy with the deodorants, the smell reminds her of him. There was also a ‘kinder egg’ in it, which made them laugh. It turned out to contain nothing but some mustard seeds. To this day, it is a mystery to her why he put mustard seeds in the egg. She can’t ask him (anymore).

On the way home, she is surprised that there is so much laughter despite the sadness. Once home alone, she puts the bag down and immediately the intensity of the loss overwhelms her again.

Grief can be overwhelming at unexpected moments after the loss of a loved one. Sometimes the trigger is a comment from someone or a memory triggered by something or as in this anecdote, the bag. If you can, don’t push back this grief and let it be there. By allowing it and staying with it, it will slowly subside and some space will be created.
If the grief remains repeatedly overwhelming and there is little to no change in how you feel, it is advisable to seek support in dealing with your loss.

The names used are fictitious.

Feeling trapped in your grief

Feeling trapped in your grief

Wilhelm Mundt – Trashstone 531

This sculpture reminds me of that feeling trapped in grief. I shared on Facebook, that I wanted to write a blog about it. I asked readers what this sculpture evoked in them? The responses were very different: ‘If you are trapped in your own thoughts you can feel stuck’. ‘A certain beauty, but caged’. ‘Caged green’.

All three express something of what I feel about this artwork. When you are grieving, you can be so engrossed in your thoughts and feelings that you no longer notice anything about the world around you.

For a while, the world stands stll for you, whilst other people just get on with life. Everyone seems to be on their way to something, some walk quietly and others are rushing. Grieving is like being on the way to somewhere we just don’t know how the future will look, we tend to live from day to day.

A friend of mine, who had lost her father, directed her anger at the trees,it didn’t seem fair because they got new leaves and went on with life, whilst she was locked in her grief.

A loss changes your outlook on life, there is an end to how it was and it will never be the same again. Your life seems to have less colour and even seems to have lost its lustre.

It’s not so strange that after a significant loss you can lose it for a while.
Feelings, emotions and thoughts, which may not have previously experienced at this intensity tend to fluctuate rapidly, yet these are very normal reactions to loss.

Fortunately, we humans are resilient and it can be really helpful to get support to move on with your process, so that you can find your way in life again.

The new year

The new year

Another year has gone by in which I shared in the grieving process with many clients. Time and time again, I was deeply touched by the stories of my clients and I am glad that I can provide support with my experiences and expertise.

The new year is experienced by many people as a new beginning. After the winter solstice the days start to lengthen and it is already starting to get light a little longer. A new year begins and whatever your circumstances might be, I wish that there may be numerous bright spots. 

Julie Parker has written a beautiful poem about this.

And as we end this year
We pause and shed a tear
For all we have lost

For those we hold dear
No longer here
For those far apart
Always in our heart
For those who are near
Living in fear

Behold the light
As it shines bright
Even in the darkest hour
Love, our healing power
Will see us through
As the energies shift
And we begin anew