This week it’s 3 years since my mother died. I look back with gratitude at our goodbye with all 5 children at her bedside. We had taken turns to watch over her for 8 days. Everyone was at her funeral; including nieces and nephews, friends and acquaintances. What a contrast to what is imposed on us now, standing at the side of the road or just paying our respects together on Facebook or zoom.
It is heartbreaking that we can’t visit our loved ones in a hospice or care home. Keeping a distance whilst we really want to be close. Due to government guidelines, saying goodbye has become very complicated. You can’t put an arm around your loved one, it feels difficult and painful and can leave us feeling powerless, bringing up emotions such as sadness and anger.
In just a few weeks time our world has changed drastically. If someone in your close family is dying you can visit but you need to wear a Hasmat suit. It is unthinkable that you need to hold the hand of your father mother, brother, sister or grandparent wearing gloves.
In the Netherlands, burials and cremations went from max 100 to 30 mourners and some decide just close blood relatives as they find it difficult to decide, also you’d get a fine if you don’t obey the rules.
However due to the smaller gatherings those left behind are experiencing a lot of warmth from friends who can’t be there, letters, flowers and stories. This kind of sharing offers a different kind of comfort and they look forward to the time where they can really come together to remember their loved one.
I wish everyone strength in this situation.
If you feel the need to talk about your experience of losing a loved one, feel free to call me without obligation.