When you are born and grow up, most of us celebrate our birthday. I remember seeing on calendars, which mostly hang in the toilet in the Netherlands, the birthdays and also anniversary of death. As a child, I thought this was strange, why would you want to remember that ? The person is not there anymore.

Since my father and boyfriend, Paul died, I understand it. Suddenly the anniversary becomes more important than the birthday. The person who has passed away doesn’t become older anymore and anniversary is the new benchmark.

So what about bank holidays, long weekends where we get chance to spend time with family and loved ones. If I think back to Christmas growing up, togetherness and cozyness was key. Mostly we were around 15 people at the diner table, with great food, long dining and lengthy conversations.

Suddenly you spent the days without your loved ones. It hurts and you feel their absence. You wish they were there. Christmas and New Year without them is not the same. This loss can be due to; death, divorce, sickness, quarrel or living in another country. This video, explains in a good way, how special days influence our lives relating to grief.

Whatever circumstances you are in and whatever you believe, I wish you nice days of joy, reflections and self love.


BBC Stories: Like Minds on BBC iPlayer

'You don't get over grief, you just learn to have it as part of your life.'This analogy of how we deal with bereavement is spot on.

Geplaatst door BBC iPlayer op Zondag 22 april 2018